My Soulmate

by: bugoy

This will be my first time to tell my story, and perhaps the last. This happened when I was first year in college…. And by the way, my name is Bradley and here's my story. I am the only child in the family. Mom is a plain housewife and dad is manning personally our family business. Sometimes we help him out whenever he runs out of people resource. But since I'm studying quite far from manila, dad bought me a car so I can drive home after class. That way I could go home quickly in any given condition. The only problem with this, I get to go to places whenever he asks me, and of course I have to be home at certain time, like before dinner. I was the president of our youth group in the neighborhood, and was really good at it. I enjoyed the attention that a lot of people are giving me. I had girlfriends here and there, although my parents don't know as it's the 2nd rule in the house – do not get involved until I have a decent job. The no.1 of course is getting into drugs, and no. 3 is yosi and toma. Only 3 rules but man they are pretty difficult. So, all my relationships are under the cover, and whenever I've gone out drinking, I see to it I'm sober when I got home. How do I do this? Well, I run until I sweat the alcohol out, then have a nice cold shower, brush my teeth and chew some mint gums. It all worked pretty darn well! One time the youth organized a street basketball league. Since the clubhouse is free to all residents, we didn't have any problem booking the basketball courts. Although we have to free one court every time so that there'll be one for others to share. Our street lost that year and we we're talking about the next league on how to bring home the trophy when my bestfriend, Owen, said that his brother from Canada will be coming over for good. And he's very good in basketball. Maybe he could pre-register him so that when he comes home he will just fill him with the info and he can play with us. It wasn't a bad idea so we all pre-registered his younger brother, Cedrick. It was actually during the elimination when Cedrick arrived. We asked him to watch a couple of games first, meet the people behind the team and the team itself. From the look of this guy, I think he's really a good player. And I was right, we made it through the elimination round because of him. And eventually became the champion, he won the MVP award. I don't have anything against Ced, we just don't talk that much. Whenever I come over at Owen's place and find him there, I just sit there until he talks. I never started a conversation with this guy not unless I have to. But then a lot of people are noticing Ced's talent. Girls have been cheering him even my girlfriend. I begun to get jealous of the attention he's getting, that used to be mine. So then I begin to hate the guy though I never planned to oust him from the team… I must admit we need him if we want to win that season. They said information is power, driven by jealousy I tried to befriend Ced with a plan to get as much information I could to use to get back the attention that used to be mine. But I never thought I'll like his personality. He wasn't like me, boastful and stubborn… he was actually very humble and submissive. He does everything that I asked of him, from doing my assignment to carrying my team bag. He never complained, not even once. My jealousy turned into liking. I begun to like the friendship I have with him. He's frequenting my place now, and my parents know him so well, they call him "anak" because he's so good to them. Whenever he goes to my place and I'm not yet there, my mom would prepare him something… he basically became part of the family. He became my new bestfriend. Then one time when I was driving home from school, he called me to drop by at his place which I did. I found him in the kitchen, cooking something, I'm not really a vegetable person but he's cooking some veggies. I told him, there's no way I'll be eating that. He tried to convince me that it is his specialty and his mom's favorite. Just a couple of taste test and if I still didn't like it he'll ask the maid to cook something for me. This is actually the first time that someone cooked for me. I found that really sweet…. however weird, considering we're both guys. He asked me to watch him cook, that way I'll get to appreciate the food. After cooking, he took a plate, put some on it and handed it over to me and he went… "try it… I bet you'll even forget your name." with a wicked grin. I went "Oh well, the effort alone is enough for me to try it." and then I took a spoonful. He was waiting for my reactions when I said "it's good, come on let's finish this." And that was the only vegetable dish that I eat until now. He begun to cook for me frequently, if I didn't like the dish, he wouldn't eat it and we'll throw them away. We ended up having few selections of dishes. Whenever he's at my place, I asked yaya to cook Swedish pork, he likes this dish with sambal sauce. We became really close, we now do a lot of things together. Watching movie together, play video, walking in the rain, wash my car, clean my room, and shower together in the garage, until finally can sleep over at my place, with me, in my room. There would be nights I found myself staring at his face, I felt like I wanted to embrace him, but I controlled myself. I begun to feel something different for Ced. I know that it's much more than friendship and I also know that it's wrong. But how can I not fall for someone who does special things for me? But I kept it all, there's no way I would let this out nor let something stupid happened. One time I was driving home when I saw Ced talking to my girlfriend. I could tell that something is going on with them. I brushed it off and continued driving. That same night I talked to my girlfriend, I told her that I saw her with Ced. She said that it's nothing, they're just talking about basketball stuff. I didn't tell Ced about my girlfriend as we (my gf and I) decided to keep it secret. She's not allowed to have boyfriends and I'm not allowed to have girlfriends, so we kept it between us. Then one time I was driving home late when I saw my gf's car at Ced's carpark, concealed by his mom's suv. Since I know my way around Ced's place, I climbed up the gate and went straight to the backdoor where the kitchen is. And I was shocked with what surprised me…. I saw them kissing. I wanted to scream and beat them up, but how? So I backed out slowly and went back to my car. I drove off not knowing where to go. I ended up at PICC, I was crying. I didn't know if I was jealous at Ced 'coz he's kissing my gf or was I jealous of my gf because I feel something for Ced? The pain worsens my confusion. The next day I broke up with my gf. I don't want to confront her, confrontation is not my thing. I just told her that I won't be having much time with her so I better let her go. I wasn't surprised when she agreed with that, but I must admit I felt a bit of a twinge. I still continue my friendship with Ced. The more I spent time with him, the more I get confused. He's doing more sweet stuff for me. I was thinking, maybe he likes me too, or maybe I was interpreting the signal wrongly. I just brushed off both thoughts and kept hanging out with Ced. Then one night we we're watching NBA in my room, when he pulled out a bottle of tequila from his bag. I told him I'm not allowed to have any alcohol in the house, but he kept insisting that nobody would know. We won't go out of the room and we'll keep it really quiet. He'll hide the bottle and any evidence in his bag and keep it with him when he leaves in the morning. I thought to myself… oh what the heck, it's not like I don't drink, so I said… "ok, bring it on!". We we're having a great time with the tequila. I think we lost our inhibitions. We took turns in massaging our whole body. I went piggy back on him as he forces me to wash my face because the salt spilled all over my face when we're goofing about my basketball skill, I don't play basketball and he was having a good laugh criticizing me (I played basket with him one time and uses this to make fun of me). He we're horsing around. He was taller and bigger and he always pinned me down. Whenever this happens, I would bite any part of him that I can reach until he lets me go. He doesn't complain though. We we're both tired and drunk when we finally dozed off. I really felt good that night because he was hugging me the whole time although I didn't hug him back. I tried kissing his cheek though. That was the first of the many nights that we horsed around in my room. Until one night we we're sleeping and his hand was on my belly, I couldn't sleep, I kept feeling his hand on my belly. I then stood up and sat at the edge of my bed and stared at him. Right there I felt that I really love my bestfriend. I went to kiss him on his cheek, he didn't move. Then I went to kiss his lips and he opened his eyes and looked at me in the eye. I was taken aback and shocked. He turned his back and went back to sleep while I was frozen. I didn't seem to relax and can't go back to bed, so I went out and slept at the guest room, and I don't know what time I fell asleep for thinking of what happened. Morning comes and my mom woke me up to have breakfast with her. She asked why I slept in the guest room, I just told that Ced covered the entire bed and I fell, and she bought that excuse. Before I joined her, I checked my room and Ced was already gone. I never had the guts to talk to him about it, every time I look at him he looks the other way. Mom noticed these changes in us, and why Ced stopped coming over. She knew there's a problem, she kept asking me and I kept denying. I kept telling her that he must have been busy with studies and practices. Until I finally decided to stay at one of the school dorms (all boys dorm), in this way I'd perhaps forget about Ced and the stupid thing I've done. My parents approved of this but I have to spend the weekend with them - which is much better than being there all week. I averted all chances of seeing Ced. I started playing guitar to keep me busy on weekends and I don't have to go out of the house. I also resigned as youth's president. After 1 year of not talking with him, I though I have forgotten the feeling, but I was wrong. It was the night of my birthday, we just came home from a big dinner with my relatives and some childhood friends when I saw a familiar face at the gate. Mom asked me to invite him in as she hasn't talked to him for ages. I was looking for an excuse but my mom opened my window and yell, "Ced, pasok ka muna anak. Miss ka na ng tito mo eh. I got a new jersey for you." Ced answer was. "Dito na lang ako tita, bibigay ko lang gift ni Brad. Alis rin kasi ako, punta kami tomorrow ng davao, I still need to pack.", then my mom said, "Sige, pasalubong ha.". Then my mom asked me to get off and convince him to come in. I don't know what to do… I felt something different…. At that time I felt something I thought I've forgotten is resurfacing, and it's gushing like a flowing stream, I can't help it. Ok, so here we are, right at the gate, me and my bestfriend. I couldn't look at him, I don't know what to say, I wanted to invite him but I won't; I wanted to say "Hi" but my mouth wouldn't open; I wanted to look at him but my head won't turn towards him. He eventually said something…. the silence before he utters anything was deafening, he goes "Ayaw mo na ba akong kaibigan?", I don't know what to reply, and then he continues "Lagi ba kitang nasasaktan?". With those words I can't help crying. I betrayed my bestfriend and he still wants my friendship? But I don't know if I wanted to be his friend…. I wanted him to be my lover. I answered back….You are my bestfriend, and you will always be. Gustung gusto kitang kaibigan, as a matter of fact, I want you to be my friend forever. Lagi mo akong nasasaktan? Hindi, lagi kong sinasaktan ang sarili ko. But don't worry, I will be fine. He went, "I know what you feel for me. I just couldn't reciprocate it. What I can only offer is my friendship and this gift hoping you'll keep it, just as I keep you in my heart. You know Brad, I love you too, but I can't offer you the same thing you're giving. And although I can't be the person that you wanted me to be, I hope you'll still love me just the same." Then he held me so tight and kissed me on the cheek. Right there and then I understood, he's not going to be my lover….. but he is indeed my soulmate. It has been 10 years since these things happen. He's married with 2 kids, I'm the godfather of his eldest kid. I am married with 1 kid and living in a different country. But we still communicate. Our wives are bestfriends too. And as for me and Ced, we're still wearing the bracelet he gave me as present the night we patched things up. ...and yes, we are still horsing around whenever we had the chance to get together… but of course with our families. And now I understand, our soulmate will not always end up as our lover, more often they end up as our bestfriend.